Listen to your heart
by MissLindis
Summary: Space isn't them. They've never done space. Maybe that's why he's sitting outside her house that night. Derek and Meredith. Post Let the angels commit.


**A/N:**So, it's been a while since I've written anything, I just haven't been inspired, but today, I got an idea, and this is what it came out like. It takes place after "Let the angels commit" and it's Mer/Der off course. I'm not sure if it's a one-shot or not, but if you think it's worth continuing I would appreciate it if you told me :). My english isn't perfect since I'm swedish but I do my best and I hope you understand. I hope you like this and please review, it really makes my day.

**Disclaimer:** I obviously don't own Grey's Anatomy, if i did we wouldn't be watching season 2 here in Sweden :P.

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A week had passed. A week that had felt more like a year, a lifetime, forever. A painful week of waiting. She wasn't quite sure what it was that she was waiting for, but she knew it was something. A sign that could tell her everything was going to be all right, anything. But it didn't come. He didn't call, he didn't talk to her. 

She had finally told him about what she had done, and all he had said was okay. Okay. Seriously. She had broken up with the wonderful, sweet and caring Finn and all he could say was okay. She knew something wasn't right. Derek wasn't the kind of person who just said "okay" to something like that. He also wasn't the kind of person who just gave up the way he had done. He had told her he loved her. He even told her that he had loved her forever, and then he had walked away because Finn was the better guy. It wasn't right. Something wasn't right.

When they finally ran in to each other in the stairwell, he had told her he needed space. She had plastered a nice, fake smile on her face and agreed with him. It was after all the reasonable thing to do. But she didn't know how to do reasonable with Derek. When it came to them reasonable had never existed. Derek and Meredith weren't reasonable. Hot sex in an exam room during a fake prom with a wife and a vet waiting outside was everything but reasonable, but it was Derek and Meredith. Space just wasn't them. They were hot, intense moments that would never be forgotten, secret glances in elevators, unconditional love too strong and powerful to ignore, undeniable attraction that no wives or veterinarians could conquer. Not space.

Maybe that was what Derek was thinking about when he was standing outside Meredith's house that night. Even though he was the one who had told her he needed space, he couldn't stay away. Not when they both finally were free to do whatever they wanted.

He hesitated before he walked the few steps to the front door. It was dark and the rain was pouring down, but inside the house was a warm glow that filled his heart with warmth.

He lifted his hand to knock on the door, but he couldn't do it. He let out a sigh and sat down on the porch, his head in his hands. He loved her. He knew he did. He loved her in a way he never knew was possible until he met her, his Meredith. His heart ached when he couldn't see her, or touch her, or love her. But he had hurt her in a way that was unforgivable.

He had tried to repair his marriage, but you can't be married to one woman and at the same time be hopelessly in love with another. It doesn't work out; he was the living proof of it. And it had all been wasted. He had tried to forgive Addison for what she had done, but after what she had told him about how she stayed with Mark, he didn't believe he ever could.

He had hurt his Meredith because he had stayed with her. It wasn't forgivable to hurt someone like he had hurt her. He knew he didn't deserve her after what he did. That was why he had told her to choose Finn even though it made his heart hurt. Finn was after all a good guy, maybe even a great guy. He knew he wouldn't hurt her like he had done. She deserved to not be hurt. But for some reason she had broken up with him.

Suddenly the door opened, and a little of the warm light from inside the house lit up the darkness which he was sitting in outside. He lifted his head from his knees and looked at the person who stepped out onto the porch.

She was dressed in sweatpants and an oversized college sweater, her hair was up in a messy ponytail and she wasn't wearing any makeup. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. God, he loved her.

"Hey," she said quietly as she closed the door and sat down next to him, her back leaning against the closed door. His blue eyes met hers and she gave him a small smile.

"Hey," he replied, without breaking the gaze.

His blue eyes were shining in the dark, full of love, pain, and something else Meredith couldn't identify. She didn't say anything, just sat there with, watching the rain pour down in front of them.

"You're probably wondering what I'm doing here," he said after a few minutes. She didn't look at him; she just kept staring at the rain.

"You said you needed space", she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself to keep warm in the chilly autumn night.

"I know. And I think I do need some space, but still, here I am sitting on your porch like a fool, too scared to knock on the door." She didn't answer him and he continued:

"I didn't plan to come here, you know. I just had to get out of the trailer so I went for a drive and somehow I ended up here" They sat in silence for a while until Meredith finally spoke:

"Something had happened the day I told you about Finn, right?" she said slowly. He turned his head and looked at her, she did the same and their eyes met. He couldn't hide the surprise in his eyes and lifted his eyebrows slightly.

"How could you tell?" he said in a low voice, trying to hide his pain.

"I don't know," she said honestly. "I just knew something wasn't right with you." He was quiet for a little while before he spoke, his voice trembling with hurt and anger.

"Addison and Mark wasn't a one-night stand. She loved him. She only came here because she found him in bed with someone else." Their eyes met again and Meredith could see the pain in his. She instinctively reached for his hand and entwined their fingers.

"Oh Derek," she whispered, "I'm so sorry." He grasped her hand a little tighter.

"I don't really care about what Addison and Mark did anymore. But what I care about is that I stayed with her, I tried to forgive her for her mistake, I tried to make our marriage work again, I wasted a year of my life with her when I could have been with you. I hurt you in the worst way possible because I felt this stupid need to do the right thing. The right thing was wrong. Terribly wrong, and I regret it more than you can ever imagine. I hurt you when I didn't have to." Meredith's eyes were full of tears and his were a reflection of her own. She didn't know waht to say and they just sat there in silence for a while.

"You did the right thing, you know, staying with her. You wouldn't the man I fell in love with if hadn't tried. I know you didn't want to hurt me. You are a good guy Derek," she whispered when she could speak again. A single tear was trickling down her cheek. He followed it with his eyes before he lifted his hand and gently wiped it away with his thumb. She shivered slightly under his touch and closed her eyes as his strong hand softly cupped her chin. He let his fingers softly trace her beautiful features before he let his hand fall again. She opened her eyes again and met his gaze.

"I can't forgive myself for hurting you," he whispered as another tear fell down her cheek. "God, I didn't want to do it, but I did. What if I hurt you again?" Meredith squeezed his hand lightly, looking down to their entwined fingers.

"I could have stayed with Finn. He is, like you said, a good guy. Maybe even the better guy. He probably wouldn't hurt me, but this is not about getting hurt Derek. It's about love. I like Finn, he is nice, and sweet and caring. But I don't love him. I can't love him. I gave my heart away a long time ago and I never got it back, I never wanted it back. I don't think I can love anyone else. Getting hurt is a risk we all have to take if we want love and not just like, that's just the way it is."

This time it was Derek's tears that were falling down his cheeks. Meredith reached up and gently wiped them of his stubbly cheek. She always loved the feeling of his raspy skin underneath her fingers. He grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles. She smiled slightly before he let her hand go and she let it rest on her lap again.

"I have never loved anyone like I love you," he said, his eyes shining in the dark. Meredith didn't say anything, just held his hand a little tighter in her own. They sat in silence, listening to the sound of raindrops hitting the roof above them.

"We'll be okay Derek; we'll just do this right this time. I think we both need some space, there's no rush, we'll just take things as they come." Meredith finally said.

She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his slightly parted lips. It was quick but the feeling of her familiar lips on his own mad his whole body warm and sent shivers down his spine at the same time. As she pulled back she smiled a little and squeezed his hand one last time before she rose from the ground. She opened the door and turned to look at him before she stepped inside. He was still sitting in the same position as she had found him in; the only difference was the small smile on his face that made her heart warm.

"Goodnight Derek," she whispered as she closed the door behind her and disappeared into the warm house once again.

He remained in his spot long after she was gone. It hade stopped raining. He smiled to himself. Everything was going to be alright this time.

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A/N: That's it for this time, I hope you liked it. If you think I should continue it, let me know. And please review, it means alot to me :). 


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